I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
