i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
