He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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