Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
