I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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