I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
vagina is talking i cant
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
