Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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