Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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