He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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