What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
