Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
