Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
