i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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