I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
