last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize