So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
