there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
