the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
