I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
