She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
