There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
