I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
