I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
try to milk me bitch
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