Sober January is a disaster.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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