I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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