I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
