woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
