last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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