Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
