I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
