If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
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i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
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I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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