tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
