you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
