they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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