does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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