Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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