Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
