she woke up with a sticky ear
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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