I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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