Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
