C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
