Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize