I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
