where am i from again
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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