i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
