South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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