ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
