Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
