Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
