Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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