I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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