i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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