Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
