you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We had sex on a dog bed..
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
