I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Randomize
