I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
