Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
