I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's blow job season.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
