You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
