Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
They have beer where we have blood.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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