Tell her she can't have a vagina
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
