What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
