Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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