Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
