the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
