Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
